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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen insists that a new political alliance with some of history’s greatest villains is “no cause for alarm” and “necessary to forward European integration”.
Last week, the European Parliament voted on amendments to the EU’s sustainability reporting rules and in the process potentially opened a Pandora’s Box of unforeseen consequences and bitter ramifications.
Von der Leyen’s EPP group was unable to broker a viable alliance with the pro-EU socialists, liberals and greens, so instead turned to the dark side, enlisting the support of a rogue’s gallery of villains and ne’er-do-wells.
Ultimately, the vote passed thanks to the backing of notable wrong’uns like Dr Hannibal Lecter, Mike Myers, Cersei Lannister, Anton Chigurh and Annie Wilkes, as well as the now long-dead remains of Silvio Berlusconi.
Doing a literal deal with the Devil – who also happened to be on the roll call list – is nothing new for the EU. Von der Leyen recently signed a controversial agreement on raw materials with House Harkonnen and a security pact with the Dark Lord Sauron.
The EU Ombudsman also recently lodged a legal complaint with the Commission after it was revealed that money from the bloc’s Innovation Fund is being used by the Galactic Empire to build yet another Death Star.
The European Commission has defended this new approach to policymaking, insisting that the most viable political majority “reflects what the people want”.
When one reporter suggested that “people voted for the Nazis and they like Coldplay; you can’t trust people”, the press conference was swiftly ended.
This week, von der Leyen will attend the opening of a new hospital in Gilead and participate in the opening ceremony of the latest edition of Panem’s hunger games.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
