Le Chou's week in review

Le Chou's week in review

Le Chou is Europe's craziest source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical twist. Follow live updates on Twitter and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.

*'Le Chou' is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times

‘Erdogan’s Curse’ Strikes Down Boris

Boris Johnson insists that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan put a curse on him at last week’s NATO summit, leading to his farcical fall from grace on Friday.

Erdogan was seen grabbing Johnson by the shoulder at the Madrid meeting, with eye-witnesses reporting eerie music and a sudden drop in temperature. One source said that “there was definitely dark magic in the room that day.”

One week later and Johnson has been ousted as Tory party leader and may yet be forced to resign as prime minister ahead of his self-imposed October leaving deadline. “That Ottoman witch doctor did this, not me,” ‘BoJo’ reportedly told his advisors.

World leaders have since scrambled to cancel any planned functions involving Erdogan through fear of falling victim to the same hex. Italian premier Mario Draghi is locked in crisis talks after visiting the Turkish ministry of silly walks earlier in the week.

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen – who was involved in the infamous ‘Sofagate’ incident in Ankara – has urged Council chief Charles Michel to ignore the rumours and go visit Erdogan anyway.

Larry The Cat Considers Leadership Bid

Downing Street feline Larry the cat is reportedly considering a leadership bid following the topping of Boris Johnson. Westminster insiders insist that “Larry is just what this country needs right now.”

Larry is one of the most popular figures in Whitehall currently and his chances of taking up residence inside 10 Downing Street for once are seen as fair to good, if the mouser is actually interested in the job.

Johnson had earlier in the week made Larry his minister for fisheries – after the PM ran out of humans to prop up his cabinet amid mass resignations – but the cat later resigned, citing a “total lack of faith” in the current PM’s ability to lead.

Larry is not the only beloved Brit thinking of joining the race. Paddington Bear, whose profile has been significantly boosted after two hit movies and a tea party with the queen herself, is neck-and-neck in the polls with Hugh Grant’s ‘Love Actually’ prime minister.

Johnson meanwhile is ringing around his remaining friends in search of employment. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was forced to explain to the PM that he already has a prime minister but will keep his name in mind if any jobs become available.

Charles Michel Causes Chaos In Interpreter’s Booth

European Council President Charles Michel donned a pair of headphones and stepped into the interpretation booths at the European Parliament this week, as interpreters striked for better working conditions. There was a predictably chaotic outcome.

Michel’s job as Council chairman requires him to moderate and translate different points of view held by the 27 member states. As interpreters went on strike, the former Belgian PM saw this as his moment to shine.

But during a speech by Greece’s prime minister, Michel nearly triggered a diplomatic incident by mistakenly saying that Kyriakos Mitsotakis does not object to Danish cheesemakers producing and selling feta.

He also stirred the Parliament into a frenzy by telling MEPs that the EU’s controversial taxonomy will also include whale oil and that Brussels will do all that it can to help ship Ukrainian grain to Russia.

The final straw was his mistaken interpretation of a resolution, which the Council boss said “calls upon the Parliament to scrap MEP daily allowances and the Strasbourg seat immediately.”

Michel was then immediately escorted off the premises to screams of “I just wanted to help!”

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