Le Chou's week in review

Le Chou's week in review

Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical twist. Follow live updates on Twitter and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.

*'Le Chou' is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times

Lithuania Asks EU To Explore Idea Of Swapping Hungary With Taiwan

Baltic State Lithuania has asked the European Commission to look into the feasibility of switching Hungary for Taiwan, in what would be a show of support for the island nation and a neat solution to the ongoing Brussels-Budapest spat.

Lithuania’s ambassador made the request earlier this week as part of his country’s flag bearing support for Taiwan, which is under Chinese pressure once again after US Speaker Nancy Pelosi visited the island.

“Taiwan and Hungary are basically the same size and Taiwan, unlike Viktor Orban, is not in the pocket of Putin,” Lithuania’s ambassador told Le Chou in an exclusive interview. “I can’t believe we didn’t think of this sooner.”

EU officials are seriously considering the logistics of making the swap. Brussels industry tsar Thierry Breton admitted that he was open to the idea, as Taiwan’s mighty semiconductor industry “would be great for our strategic autonomy”.

Hungarians are split over the idea. Many are outraged at the prospect of being relocated away from their ancestral homeland, while others see the merit in finally getting a coastline.

Liz Truss Pledges To Rebuild Hadrian’s Wall, Make Scotland Pay For It

UK Conservative Party leader candidate Liz Truss has revealed that she intends to rebuild the ruins of an ancient Roman wall in the north of England and that she will make sure the Scottish government foots the bill.

Truss, who is bidding to succeed Boris Johnson as prime minister of the UK, told party voters that it was time to show Scottish leader Nicola Sturgeon that “Westminster means business” and cut off the Scots from the rest of the island.

“If Sturgeon wants independence so much then we’ll give her a taste of it with this wall. Edinburgh will pay for it though,” Truss added. “That’ll show them that they are better off as part of my United Kingdom.”

Sturgeon was reportedly delighted to hear that Truss will cede a large chunk of northern England to Scotland, given that the route of Hadrian’s wall runs further south than the current border between the two countries.

“Clearly geography and history, just like economics, international politics, simple trade principles and common sense, are not her strong suit,” the Scottish first minister told reporters.

Giant Russian Mouse Eats Ukrainian Grain Shipment

A giant Russian mouse in a novelty USSR hat ate most of a Ukrainian grain shipment bound for Lebanon this week, as Vladimir Putin moved the theatre of war into previously uncharted waters.

Turkish officials were shocked to find the massive rodent inside the bowels of the cargo ship when they inspected it upon its arrival in Istanbul. Despite being bloated from eating most of the grain, the mouse made a quick getaway before it could be apprehended.

Russia has now been accused of breaking a UN-brokered agreement that allows shipments to leave the blockaded port of Odesa. However, despot-president Vladimir Putin insists that he had nothing to do with the mouse.

That was revealed to be a lie yesterday, when pictures out of Moscow showed a victory parade featuring the giant mouse with the Order of Lenin pinned to its fuzzy fur. Analysts now believe that the beast is a result of Soviet nuclear testing in Russia’s far east.

Belarusian leader and Putin henchman Aleksandr Lukashenko was reportedly “green with envy” that Russia’s leader has a new favourite big rodent, according to Kremlin insiders.

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