Le Chou News: Moomins Join NATO War Games

Le Chou News: Moomins Join NATO War Games

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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*

Moomins Join NATO War Games

Finland deployed its first battalion of Moomin commandos as part of NATO-led army exercises last week after finally getting the green light to join the military alliance.

Following Turkey’s decision to allow Finland to join NATO, the Finnish government ordered a squad of elite Moominwarriors to report for duty at an alliance training camp, so that they can begin familiarising themselves with military strategies.

Although peaceful by nature, Moomins are fierce defenders of their homeland – Moomin Valley – so are a valuable addition to NATO-led attempts to protect its eastern flank from Russian incursions.

The Moomins will join a growing list of fictional characters to have been integrated into the alliance’s operations: the indomitable Gaulish warrior Astérix is a battlegroup leader, while Belgian reporter Tintin leads NATO’s intelligence-gathering division.

Italy Blocks ChatGPT For Promoting Pineapple Pizza

Italy’s government has blocked access to popular artificial intelligence chatbot ChatGPT after it told users that pineapple pizza is an acceptable pizza topping and that carbonara should be made using cream.

“Our children should not be exposed to such blatant lies and culinary terrorism, this stops here and it stops now,” Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni told reporters when announcing the ChatGPT ban last week.

The chatbot had already tested Italian patience after suggesting to users that pasta is a Chinese invention and that Ferrari will never win another Formula One World Championship. But it was pineapple that broke the camel’s back.

Meloni was left reeling further later in the week when Serbian President Aleksandar Vučić told Italy’s PM that he agreed with Viktor Orban’s insistence that oranges are an acceptable pizza ingredient.

“Serbia and Italy have a lot in common. But this calls into question what I thought was a shared system of values,” a tearful Meloni said during a Facebook Live broadcast. “I don’t know where we go from here.”

Lord Voldemort Takes Over UN Presidency

Dark Wizard Lord Voldemort was eager to begin his presidency of the United Nations security council last week, insisting that he intends to be an “honest broker” during his month in charge.

Labelled a “sick joke” by most of the wizarding world but shrugged off as a “quirk of the UN”, He Who Must Not Be Named’s presidency has already stoked controversy within its first three days.

The Dark Lord, fresh from returning to corporeal form after many years haunting an Albanian forest, cut a smug figure at his first UN meeting but batted away accusations that he would use his stint to persecute muggles and take his wizarding war global.

“Don’t listen to the lies and propaganda coming from the Magical Congress. It’s not a war against muggles, it’s a special wizarding operation,” Voldemort told reporters ahead of the meeting.

When asked whether he agreed with a Wizengamot arrest warrant issued after his murder of two wizards in Godric’s Hollow nearly two decades ago, the master of dark magic said he does not recognise the authority of the court.

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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*

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