Le Chou: Von Der Leyen’s Reason For Skipping Notre Dame Opening REVEALED

Le Chou: Von Der Leyen’s Reason For Skipping Notre Dame Opening REVEALED

Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak. Follow live updates on Twitter.

*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen’s SHOCKING reason for skipping the reopening of France’s magnificent Notre Dame cathedral can be exclusively revealed by Le Chou.

After five years of painstaking refurbishment, Notre Dame has reopened its doors, commemorated with a lavish ceremony that was attended by world leaders and top dignitaries.

However, European Commission President and de facto EU figurehead Ursula von der Leyen was not among the rank and file welcomed by Emmanuel Macron in Paris this weekend.

Speculation was rife that von der Leyen had been ‘uninvited’ by Macron after she pushed ahead with signing a trade deal with South America against his wishes, taking advantage of an intense period of political instability in France.

Other sources claimed that she was busy hunting wolves in the Bavarian mountains or that von der Leyen had actually started the Notre Dame fire herself and did not want to return to the scene of the crime.

Another theory doing the rounds was that she becomes violently ill when within five feet of Donald Trump, who also attended the opening. One Commission official insisted that it was just a scheduling issues, which has been dismissed for being "too boring a reason".

However, Le Chou can exclusively reveal that the EU president was not able to enter the grand cathedral because she can no longer step foot on holy ground, after striking a Faustian deal with the devil earlier this year to cling on to executive power.

Theologians say that von der Leyen exhibits all the tell-tale signs of someone that has sold their soul: mistreatment of wild animals, mingling with evil-doers and crawling on the ceiling while chanting Latin scriptures.

A Commission spokesperson refused to comment on whether von der Leyen has indeed paid the ultimate price for five more years in charge of the EU’s civil service.

Extra! Extra!

*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*


Copyright © 2025 The Brussels Times. All Rights Reserved.