In 2016, as an American living abroad I looked at the start of the Trump administration with cautious hope and curiosity. He wasn’t a career politician and didn’t seem to have to answer to any donors or owe political favours.
He was backed by some of the greatest minds in science, economics and military strategy. I didn’t agree with his policies, but he seemed to understand the importance of his role and knew that having the best people in his cabinet would make up for his lack of political experience. How bad could it really be to let the US political system try something new?
Over the course of his first term, the experts left or were fired one after another. I cringed regularly at the Trumpian antics and crassness in his leadership style, but shrugged my shoulders and tried to remember he was not a polished politician.
Then Covid-19 hit, and over a million died from containable disease and the Supreme Court was purposely warped more than even the founding fathers could have imagined possible. It was scary and embarrassing, but I knew it would over soon. In the end, I simply told people I was Canadian to avoid facing the shame and sadness of the state of American politics.
As Trump’s second term begins, I don’t feel the curiosity and cautious optimism from 2016. It feels instead like I’m reliving the moment I watched that second airliner hit the World Trade Center tower. I can no longer tell myself it was a one-time fluke accident. As those towers went down, the fear of the aftermath was paralysing. I could not fathom what loss and damage might follow but I believed in the American spirit and had hope that we could rebuild, that the US would come out stronger and wiser.
This administration gives me that same paralysing fear and feeling of helplessness. This time, I struggle to find any hope. I worry the power and money is too strong, the American people are too divided, and truth in US media is too muddled.
I hold on to my belief that a lot of Americans do not see or understand the serious potential for damage to the US with the resurgence of Trumpism. Because the alternative is even scarier; that they know but don’t care. I watch helplessly from my safe and secure place in Belgium and join the rest of the world in mourning the loss of American democracy as we knew it.
I feel very guilty to know my life is unlikely to be severely impacted while so many poor and vulnerable people in the US are in danger if Trump follows through on even a fraction of his promises.
I have had to cut ties with my Trump supporting family and friends. They called me a ‘radicalised far-left extremist’ and a ‘dirty communist’ for supporting a Democrat for president or supporting what I believe to be basic human rights.
There is no use trying to debate them anymore; they are too angry and disrespectful. People I used to know as outwardly kind and compassionate have found their previously hidden views of bigotry and misogyny are now socially acceptable.
My relatives post on social media frequently sharing misinformation and voicing their support on topics from immigrant families deserving to be torn apart to how higher education is a brainwashing industry and even the insane opinion that people with disabilities should be euthanised. They are simply beyond logical discourse and I am ashamed to be related to them.
We will probably not be visiting the US for the next four years, I just do not feel safe. My daughter and I went to upstate New York late last year and we received odd looks when we would speak words in Dutch. At one point my daughter called a grocery cart a ‘trolley’ and a woman in the shop rudely asked if we were ‘foreigners’. If even these tiny differences in culture and language now make us feel unwelcome and unsafe, how awful must it be for immigrants?
The wealthiest people in the world have joined forces to create an off-brand behind the scenes oligarchy. On the inaugural platform at Trump’s ceremony, with his future cabinet members, will be seated Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. But no past presidents or any former Trump administration members.
So far, the proposed cabinet of new administration does not include great economic minds or masters of their field as in 2016. Instead, there are 11 Fox News hosts and contributors, 9 lobbyists, 5 billionaires and more than 25 people who helped draft the horrific Project 2025 political initiative. I guess I’m going back to pretending to be Canadian.
