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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
France has allowed the Bayeux Tapestry to leave the country for the first time but its diplomatic push has already fallen foul of Britain’s unwelcoming immigration policies.
The Bayeux Tapestry is one of Europe’s most treasured artefacts. Nearly a thousand years old, the relic depicts the Norman invasion of Britain and is one France’s most visited tourist attractions.
French President Emmanuel Macron is using the opportunity afforded by renovation works at the tapestry’s museum to send the priceless work of art on tour to the United Kingdom, as part of efforts to improve diplomatic relations between the two sides.
However, those efforts look to have come to nothing as the small boat carrying the tapestry was pushed back by British border forces before it could completely cross the Channel.
The French authorities said they had chosen to literally ship the tapestry to London as the vibrations of a journey by road or rail could cause severe damage to the masterpiece. The plan was to sail the tapestry up the Thames to get it to London.
But nobody told the British coastguard, who used extreme prejudice to make the boat turn around mid-Channel and “sod off back to Calais”, according to one museum curator onboard at the time.
Border force sources told Le Chou that one officer actually knew that the Bayeux Tapestry was on the boat but refused its passage anyway, telling underlings that “I’m not letting William the Conqueror come over here again, not after last time.”
A second attempt to make it to the UK was abandoned just before landing when the captain of the boat noticed "hostile-looking locals" waving English flags on the beach: "They looked totally mental".
It is unclear what will happen next, as UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer is still yet to issue a statement. An unofficial spokesperson for 10 Downing Street said that the PM is “waiting to see what Nigel Farage says about it first”.
Another government insider said that “we cannot be sure that this was not a sneaky French military op. The Normans conquered once, it could happen again. We shouldn’t apologise for being careful.”
Macron, for his part, is furious about the situation and is considering loaning the tapestry to the United States instead, in return for Donald Trump’s help supporting Ukraine.
“Maybe the tapestry would look good in Mar-a-Lago. A lot of people are saying this. A lot of people are also saying that my family is descended from blind English nuns, so maybe it belongs to me anyway,” said one anonymous White House source.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
