Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
EXCLUSIVE: Le Chou can reveal that a niche media outlet operating in the heart of the EU capital has been staffed completely by trained monkeys for the last 12 months. An inquiry has been opened by the Belgian authorities.
Belgian animal welfare officers were called to the International Press Centre at 8am this morning after an anonymous tipoff about “ungodly screams” and an awful stench coming from the loft of the building.
What the officers found was shocking. Fifteen monkeys of various species, sizes and nationalities, all chained in front of laptops and phones, frantically typing up press releases and posting abusive messages on social media.
“We couldn’t believe it. We thought that maybe a rat had died up there or that a drunk MEP had gotten lost after a TV interview and got locked in. This though was horrendous,” said the officer who was first on the scene.
"We are all wondering how this could happen in the heart of the EU. We're actively investigating who is responsible and we'll announce our findings soon," said the head of the Belgian animal welfare regulator.
Many of the animals were clearly working against their will in awful working conditions but some actually exhibited signs of enjoyment and willingness to participate, according to one attending chimp expert, who now intends to conduct further tests on the animals.
“I mean, I think we all suspected something was up with that publication,” said one EU bubble media commentator. “Ever since it launched a year ago, everyone wondered how some of that complete guff actually got published. Now we know!”
Suspicions had been raised about the outlet following a raft of articles with garbled copy, weird newsletter titles and a self-important smug reporting style that people were tired of at least three years ago.
The authorities revealed in a statement afterwards that a particularly nasty chimp, who animal welfare officers say was the self-appointed alpha of the troop, had to be put down due to safety concerns.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
