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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
United States President Donald Trump is considering invading Belgium after losing out on a coveted croquette prize. European leaders have called an emergency summit in response.
It is the most prestigious accolade awarded in Belgium. Taken more seriously than the football world cup and put on a pedestal higher than the Oscars. Who makes the best shrimp croquettes is the only thing that matters.
Past winners have revelled in the career-defining moment that the award grants to the croquette champion, while the vanquished have been pushed to the brink of despair.
This year, the competition returns and the shortlist of contenders has threatened the very security of the European continent.
US President Donald Trump, fresh from throwing a trademark tantrum about missing out on the Nobel Peace Prize, has signalled his outrage at being excluded from the croquette prize.
“I’ve dedicated my life to fried foods and the Belgiums [sic] have made a huge mistake by not honouring me,” the president told reporters earlier today.
Trump also added that “nobody knows where Belgium is” and “popcorn chicken is better anyway”.
Belgium's ambassador to the US has reportedly tried to convince the president that the award is for the best croquettes recipe, after it was revealed that Trump incorrectly believed that a lifetime supply of the greasy snack was the prize itself.
The ambassador has in the meantime been arrested by fascist goons and deported back to Europe.
When asked what he intends to do about the croquettes snub, Trump replied that he has asked the Pentagon to draw up invasion plans and is considering a 200% tariff on all Belgian imports.
In response, European leaders have accelerated their plans to hold an emergency summit, although there are now indications that the meeting might have to be held in a different location, given the security threat has now increased in Brussels thanks to Trump’s threat.
Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez, in a move of solidarity, has offered to host the summit, saying in a press release that Belgium’s croquettes and Spain’s croquetas should “stand shoulder to shoulder during these trying times”.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
