Dear reader, what follows is my personal journal recording the turbulent times in the “Capital of Europe” after the UK voted to leave the EU.
Some people keep diaries purely for private reflection but, in common with Samuel Pepys, I feel the duty of the diarist is to add to the sum of historic knowledge for the benefit of future generations.
Samuel dutifully maintained his daily diary from January 1, 1660 until May 31, 1669, producing one and a quarter million (1,250,000!) words of wisdom and insight on matters political and private.
Fear not! My time as a diarist was a bit shorter – just ten days and about 2,000 words in 2016 But I hope the contents will broaden your understanding of what we all went through a decade ago.
Dear Diary,
Brexit Day One – 24/6/2016
Let the record show that June 24, 2016, was “Hug-A-Brit” day at EU Commission headquarters here in Brussels.
It’s the day after the Brexit referendum result, which turned the United Kingdom into the Untied Kingdom and we, the Brussels-based British media, are waiting with our continental counterparts in the Commission press room for some wise words from President Jean-Claude Juncker.
While we wait, the gossip is mostly about British Prime Minister David Cameron, who took a gamble on calling the referendum when he didn’t have to, and who was already infamous in Brussels for trying to block Juncker becoming Commission President. Oh double folly!
Last night EU officials, journos and also real civilians gathered at bars in the EU quarter, to await the verdict.
I was part of a self-styled “Last Night of the Poms” event in the Funky Monkey, having a few drinks and watching television coverage of the referendum, fairly confident that we Poms were nowhere near running out of EU membership vouchers.And now today, suddenly, we British journalists – regardless of our personal views on Brexit – are being hugged and patted on the back by so-called “faceless eurocrats” who had clearly taken time off from their job of allegedly interfering in every nook and cranny of our daily lives to make us all feel better about being outcasts.
When I apologised, jokingly, for the impolite behaviour of people such as Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson, some took me seriously, reassured me that it was not my fault, and gave me another hug.
And then Commission President Juncker arrived, and although he didn’t look ready to hug any Brits, there was a hint of his usual humour when he began his remarks with “Ladies and gentlemen and, in some cases, friends…”
And so it began on Brexit Day One, with Juncker delivering a no-nonsense statement agreed with three other EU presidents – Donald Tusk of the European Council, Martin Schulz of the European Parliament and Mark Rutte, holder of the rotating presidency of the Council of the EU. And yes, it does have to be this complicated, as befitting a family of 28, soon to be 27, member states.
Or maybe not so soon. Early signs are that Downing Street – whoever is prime minister after Cameron’s abrupt resignation today – is in no hurry to activate the “Article 50” EU departure plan, which is the next step in the Brexit process of disentanglement.
Credit: Lectrr
Jean-Claude has other ideas: no unnecessary delays, however painful the Brexit process may be, and no revisiting the “New Settlement for the UK Within the EU” which was agreed in February with the aim of boosting support for the Remain campaign. “It ceases to exist and there will be no renegotiation”.
And British eurocrats in the room, one or two of them genuinely tearful, visibly winced when Mr Juncker declared that any Brexit agreement “will be concluded with the UK as a third country”. And then Jean-Claude left without answering a cheeky question suggesting that Britain’s Brexit might be the beginning of the end for the European Union.
Brexit Day Two – 25/6/2016
I was just nipping into my regular local restaurant today after another hectic round of post-Brexit hugs of commiseration from a bunch of NOOMS (Nationals Of Other Member States) when head waiter, Simone, intercepted me at the door and asked with mock solemnity if he could check my passport.
And later this afternoon, I was stopped in the street by a Finnish press photographer who’s been a member of the press corps for decades. He just grinned at me and demanded to see my visa.
There will be much more of this sort of thing in the days and weeks ahead and it’s all very welcome.
Brexit Day Three – 26/6/2016
The expected economic downturn in Europe because of the Brexit vote is already biting on the streets of Brussels!
The Brico home improvement store near me has been panicked into slashing the price of a three-pack of plastic wall-mounted pictures depicting glorious Britain in all its Union-Jacked pomp.
There are pictures of a red Mini, a London underground train station logo adorned with a royal crown, and a Union-Jacked Britpop guitar alongside the words “London Calling”.
“Brexit economic slump hits Belgian retail DIY giant”
Obviously anxious to offload this toxic stock before it becomes illegal to buy any UK tourist tat on the continent, the price has plummeted from €15.99 to just €5! All we need now is for the credit ratings agencies to downgrade this tat to “junk” status and Brico will have to give it away.
Brexit Day Four – 27/6/2016
Alvin Toffler, the American writer and “futurist” who popularised the phrase “information overload” has died at the age of 87, although presumably not from an overdose of Brexit excitement.
In his 1970 best-selling book “Future Shock”, Alvin forecast massive cultural, political and economic upheaval in the developed world because of the “roaring current of change” driven by mass communications and computers.
He was amazingly accurate, not least in warning that people and institutions that fail to keep pace with change face ruin.
But Time magazine’s review of the book was not so kind, declaring that “Toffler’s redundant delivery and overheated prose turns kernels of truth into puffed generalities.”
Something which, you could say all these years later, precisely sums up the fiasco of the Brexit debate.
Brexit Day Five – 28/6/2016
European leaders are in town for an emergency summit on the political consequences of the Brexit result, and striding towards me as I sit outside a coffee bar in the EU quarter is a friend who is an ardent federalist.
Despite not being an employee of the EU institutions, this man’s bookshelves are lined with copies of the EU’s “Official Journal”, the regularly published journal documenting and updating all EU legal acts and known as the “OJ”.
Because this man is a dedicated supporter of the pillars of the European project, and I like to think of him as “OJ Samson.”
And now, reeling from the referendum result, he’s taking his young son to join a protest rally being staged by members of the expatriate British community to let off steam about the Brexit result.
But all main routes are sealed off to the public and the police are refusing et anyone else through to join the anti-Brexit protestors.
This news, on top of the Brexit referendum result is clearly the last straw. Pausing only to mutter very rude things about unelected, elitist interfering European policemen, he grabs his offspring and storms back home, vowing to protest against Brexit another day, when the fat cats of Europe in their bloody limousines have buggered off and left us in peace to carry on building a federal superstate without Britain.
You see, even true believers have moments of doubt...
Brexit Day Six – 29/6/2016
One of the least offensive things I’ve heard from Remainers about Boris Johnson, the most influential Brexit cheerleader in the UK, is that he is living proof that you can fool 51.9% of the people all of the time. Today, this former Brussels journalist, and now MP for the second time looks set to go further and fulfil my flippant prediction of 12 years ago that he will one day become prime minister.
I only half meant it back then, but he clearly did represent that point where celebrity and politics meet.
Today Boris is on television announcing that “Project Fear”, (allegedly run by the Remain campaign) is over, and that everything is fine. His enthusiasm is infectious and makes many people more confident about everything, even though his reassuring platitudes immediately followed a news bulletin announcing that the pound had hit a 31-year low.
Now that’s what you call the Johnson magic.
Brexit Day Seven – 30/6/2016
I’m spending increasing amounts of time apologising for being British and brushing off polite questions about when I’m going to return to the UK because soon there’ll be nothing to write about.
Au contraire, I declare, pointing out that there’ll still be plenty of interest in an EU without the UK – maybe even more interest than when we were in the club.
One of my neighbours took me a bit too seriously today, insisting with genuine warmth that there was always a place for the British in Belgium, after what we did for this country in time of war.
Brexit Day Eight – 1/7/2016
The front door of Meade Towers is being repainted soon, and the decorator arrived today to discuss colours. As we stood on the pavement pondering the options on his colour chart, a “faceless eurocrat” who lives a few doors away came by, on his way back to his European Commission office after lunch.
We haven’t met since about 15 days BB (Before Brexit) and he stopped to express his dismay and condolences at the result. I thanked him and apologised once again for being British. He grinned and then noticed the decorator testing shades of colour against the front of the door and asked what was happening.
“I’m having the front door painted like a Union Jack”, I said, “but I’m having trouble finding the right shade of red.”
Brexit Day Nine – 2/7/2016
I’m referring all queries about the stupidity of my country of origin to the Foreign Office or the Home Office or the British embassy in Brussels from now on. It’s not my fault that we don’t have a German-style system in which matters of constitutional importance must obtain a minimum two-thirds majority to be legally binding in both parliament chambers.
When I point out that we don’t have a written constitution, critics say that that’s not the point. The point is that you shouldn’t let issues of constitutional-style importance go through by such a relatively slim majority, because that’s just daft.
At the very least, the result should be subject to approval or ratification by parliament, like it would be in the Netherlands, where referendum results can go all the way to the king if necessary. And what was David Cameron doing saying the result would be considered binding, when it doesn’t have to be?
Listen, I say, don’t ask me, I'm the guy who got booed (affectionately, I like to think) when suggesting to a London audience earlier this year that the public shouldn’t get a vote on something so complicated and confusing and, ultimately, crucial, as leaving the EU..
Brexit Day Ten – 3/7/2016
Of all the advice being dished out in UK newspapers about how to cope with the fallout from Brexit, the best so far has got to be this: drive extra carefully when motoring in other EU countries from now on, because the cops will be out for revenge against Brits.
What Ian Crowder of the Automobile Association actually said was: “Minor indiscretions may have been overlooked in the past but it is now even more important to abide by the letter of the law if you don’t want to be stopped and fined by EU traffic police.”
I assume he means traffic police in EU countries, because there is no “EU traffic police”, at least not yet, although it’s such an obvious idea that I’m surprised it wasn’t a bone of contention in the referendum campaign.
However, there was once a direct link between the EU and driving offences, and my personal experience of it was entirely positive and heartening.
It was the spring of 1986, and I was driving the family Meade through Spain when I overtook a car on a bit of road where it was illegal. A traffic cop on a motorbike saw me and pulled me over. He was very polite but insisted that he would have to give me an on-the-spot fine.
Then he said: “But it’s your lucky day, because to mark my country’s accession to the EEC this year, we are reducing all motoring fines against nationals of other member states by 25% for a limited time only!”. I thanked him profusely, welcomed him to the club and paid up with the pleasure that comes from feeling you’ve got something of a bargain.
Happy days!
