Le Chou's News Review - Taylor Swift Ticket Prices Capped

Le Chou's News Review - Taylor Swift Ticket Prices Capped

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Taylor Swift Ticket Price-Cap Launched By EU

The European Commission has announced a plan to cap the price of Taylor Swift concert tickets after Swifties protested against the outrageous costs.

“Today we outline our plan to cap ticket prices for Taylor Swift concerts, using Eurobond profits and voluntary offsets,” Commission President Ursula von der Leyen told reporters. "This is Europe working for its citizens."

Tickets have reportedly been listed for as much as $22,000 and official sales portals have crashed due to fervent demand.

According to the proposal, governments would also be asked to make voluntary financial contributions to a common pot, which could then be withdrawn when needed.

France, Germany, Spain and Italy are enthusiastic champions of the idea, while other smaller countries are waiting to see full detail’s about T-Swizzle’s upcoming 2023 tour.

“We’re not agreeing to anything until we see the schedule. If she’s not playing in Budapest why should we pay for this?” said a diplomat from an unnamed EU member.

Geopolitical experts were sceptical that the EU would act so quickly after Swift launched an unsanctioned full-scale invasion of the US top 10 chart recently. The issue was then discussed at a meeting of the United Nations security council.

She has since been forced to largely retreat by a coalition made up of Drake and the Arctic Monkeys.

EU Pledges To Reduce Meaningless Announcements 57%

Brussels officials will aim to reduce their emission of pointless announcements that no normal person would possibly understand by 57%, according to a new voluntary target unveiled this week.

Under a new anti-blather strategy published on Thursday, the EU will attempt to curb meaningless declarations by more than half by 2030. Analysts have called the pledge “extremely challenging but definitely achievable”.

As part of an 18-month-long consultation period before the benchmark becomes legally binding, the European Commission will seek feedback on an embargo that would ban non-papers, memorandums of understanding and strategic joint partnerships.

“If you wouldn’t tell your granny about it, forget about announcing it,” the EU’s new anti-guff tsar told officials in a memo circulated earlier this week and leaked to Le Chou.

Clear-comms advocates should not hold their breath though, as the plan requires government approval before it can be implemented. “If we can’t hide our grubby dealings behind Brussels jargon then forget about it,” said one diplomat.

Greek PM Outraged At Egyptian Spying Rumours

Greece’s Prime Minister said that he was “extremely disappointed” to hear that Egyptian spies have been operating at the COP27 climate summit and that Cairo had not asked Athens for advice on how to listen in to private conversations.

Kyriakos Mitsotakis told journalists that Egypt’s government risked sparking a diplomatic incident at the summit and that he was “personally offended” that the intelligence services had not sought his guidance.

“I’m upset to tell you the truth. If you want to listen in on people you come to me. You’ve got my number and I’ve definitely got yours,” the prime minister added.

The Egyptian ambassador was summoned and subsequently bugged.

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