Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak. Follow live updates on Twitter and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
AI Should Come From Châtbot Region, Says EU
EU officials have imposed new labelling requirements on artificial intelligence, insisting companies adhere to strict criteria in order to qualify for the new sought-after mark.
Artificial intelligence will only be able to display an ‘official AI’ label if it is produced in the Châtbot region of France, say top EU officials, unveiling new product protection rules aimed at safeguarding European know-how.
“AI needs to come from Châtbot or be produced by heritage troll farms in the AI-en-Provence region,” the head of the European Commission’s tech department told reporters.
“Any artificial intelligence that comes from other areas must be labelled as bogus intellect,” the official explained, adding that “this is how we protect true European savoir faire”.
The EU’s crackdown on shoddy AI comes amid a rapid uptake of new computer systems, which includes the Commission appointing ChatGPT as a spokesbot. Journalists have claimed that they have “noticed little to no difference”.
Setting The Hounds On Judges Against EU Law, Says Court
The European Court of Justice has told the Polish government that setting packs of angry dogs on judges is against EU law, prompting officials in Warsaw to denounce “Brussels meddling” in their affairs.
According to a ruling by the Luxembourg court last week, it is illegal under EU law to hide raw meat in the pockets of judges and then release hungry angry dogs after them.
It took judges more than three years to reach this conclusion.
“Slowly lowering judges into vats of acid,” is also not permitted, the court said in its ruling, adding that knocking on a judge’s door at 3am and running away is illegal as well.
Poland’s prime minister immediately denounced the decision, branding it as “yet more elitist meddling by the woke bureaucrats in Brussels”. His government is expected to appeal the ruling but has been instructed to stop dipping judges in acid in the meantime.
Serbia’s President Adds To List Of Jobs He’s Unsuitable For
Serbian President Aleksandar Vučić nearly poisoned a patient in a Belgrade hospital after insisting on playing doctor last week, adding medical practitioner to a growing list of jobs to which he is poorly suited.
Jovan Stefanović woke up to an unpleasant surprise last Thursday when he found Serbian head of state Vučić looming over his hospital bed, fully dressed as a doctor.
The unlucky patient was only admitted with a mild case of bronchitis but thanks to Vučić’s medical meddling fell into a coma early Monday morning. Belgrade’s finest quacks had to work late into the night to right the president’s mistakes.
Government sources say Vučić was only supposed to visit the hospital for 20 minutes, shake some hands, kiss some newborns and go to his next appointment.
Unfortunately for them and Jovan, Serbia’s president wanted to act out his unfulfilled childhood ambition to become a doctor. “It’s what my mother always wanted for me,” Vučić was heard saying to a close aide.
Political analysts have now added doctor to the growing list of professions to which Vučić is ill-suited, which includes basketball coach and head of state.
Vučić was spotted later in the week having breakfast with Prime Minister Ana Brnabić, where the president was visibly furious, leading Balkan-watchers to speculate as to what had upset the head of state.
It was later revealed that Vučić was angry that his waiter had brought him a coke and a bowl of cherries, because he had actually ordered a Cherry Coke.
Extra! Extra!
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
