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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
Britain’s former prime minister, David Cameron, has made a stunning return to UK politics as foreign minister. He already has a grand plan to resolve the conflict in the Middle East using the same strategy he deployed to quell tensions between the UK and the EU.
Cameron’s first act as foreign affairs chief will be to organise a referendum in Israel and Palestine on how to resolve ongoing tensions. “This will be a once in a generation vote,” the foreign minister told reporters.
“We all want a two-state solution and that will only be possible if we wrestle sovereignty back from the unelected bureaucrats in…” Cameron told reporters before trailing off at the end and mumbling something about the European Court of Justice.
EU ministers were also left surprised this morning when the former PM entered the European Council building, pretending that nothing had happened over the last seven years.
“He was in complete denial, insisting he had never heard of ‘Brexit’,” a Council security guard revealed. One journalist overheard Cameron tell one diplomat: “Referenda? I hardly know her!”
Cameron was quickly removed from the premises and told not to come back until his passport is red again.
Cameron’s return to politics has been met with a mixed response. A new poll conducted by Le Chou reveals that 52% think that he is an “unspeakable t**t”, while just 48% say he is a “posh scumbag”.
One undiscovered tribe deep in the Amazon rainforest that has never made contact with Western civilisation reportedly said that they also could not believe that “that gobshite” is back in government.
Rishi Sunak’s reshuffle of his cabinet was reportedly difficult to pull off given the lack of decent candidates left for ministerial jobs.
In addition to bringing back Cameron, the PM has appointed a random old lady he saw on a bus as transport minister and dug up the decomposing corpse of Margaret Thatcher so she can take the housing minister job.
Downing Street stalwart Larry the Cat was offered deputy prime minister but politely declined, insisting he would rather “visit the local dog shelter” than spend more time with Sunak and his underlings.
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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
