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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
Intrepid treasure hunters, tomb raiders and looters are scouring Europe for the hidden riches of former EU supremo Jacques Delors, following clues left by the late statesman in his last will and testament.
Delors, an architect of the modern EU as we now know it, passed away before Christmas at the ripe old age of 98. The Frenchman left behind more than a half-decent internal market and the Euro though.
Stapled to the back of Delors’ will, in a sealed envelope bearing a wax seal with twelve yellow stars, was a coffee-stained map of Europe with hand-written notes and strange glyphs.
“This map will guide those true of heart and resolute of spirit to Europe’s greatest treasure of all,” the will states, according to Delors’ lawyer, who unsealed the envelope live on French TV. The map was then placed under armed guard at Les Invalides in Paris.
Speculation was rife about what the “father of the Euro” could have bequeathed. The original solid-gold Euro coins? The key to the European Commission’s priceless wine cellar? A committee was assembled to decide what best course of action to take.
But late on New Year’s Eve, when the French capital was busy celebrating the end of 2023, the document was stolen as part of what detectives are calling “the greatest heist of the 21st century”.
It has now been revealed that an international team hailing from every one of the EU’s 27 member states pulled off the robbery and are now on the hunt for Delors’ lost riches. A pan-European police operation is in hot pursuit.
At time of publishing, the thieves had already solved three of Delors’ clues, correctly working out that the fourth clue must be somewhere in Romania.
This is a developing story and Le Chou will bring you all the updates.
***UPDATE: After Le Chou went to print, treasure hunters finally tracked down a hidden marble-clad shrine, buried deep beneath the headquarters of the European Economic and Social Committee in Brussels.
Inside the mausoleum, raiders found a mysterious black stone that appeared to give off a warm glow. Carved into the rock was the following message:
“Congratulations. You have found what you are seeking: a greater sense of European identity. Use it wisely - J. Delors”
The head of the treasure hunting team was reported to have said: "Oh, piss off."
Extra! Extra!
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
