Name: Spontaneous trip to the beach.
Age: Six hours return.
Location: De Haan, Belgium.
Appearance
Brownish water, brownish sand, white-ish little beach huts.
And the town?
Mock Tudor buildings, white-washed villas, a Statue of Albert Einstein (who lived there for three months), 1920s hotels and 1970s monstrosities.
Is mock Tudor at the seaside ever charming?
Not really.
And how did you get there?
In a Mazda MX5 with the roof down all the way there!
Sounds swanky! But aren't they the most bullied cars on the road?
Well, a massive ute did pass us and wave in a bullying manner. Nonetheless, we managed to nab the last parking spot for miles.
Apparently there’s an emptier, more secluded beach just a bit farther north.
There is indeed. We ended up going there to escape the sweaty families and find the dunes. We also found dog roses and beach bricks.
I don’t know what those are. But I do know there are jellyfish in that area.
So many! We rescued at least 15 stranded ones but stopped once we realised that all we’d done in De lovely Haan was drive in circles and rescue jellyfish. So we had a swim. (Don’t worry – the tide came in to rescue all the others. Nature, you know.)
Did you have a beach drink?
There was a wholly sterile and unwelcoming café on the beach, so no.
Did you have a back-in-Brussels drink?
Yes, eventually. We slow-drove back through the romantic Flemish potato fields and charmless Flemish towns (outskirts of Gent, outskirts of Bruges). We got slightly lost in Molenbeek due to someone’s navigation unskills ("Oh. It’s also a one-way street"). Eventually, we were home for some beers in the sun.
Do say:
"Let’s go to the Belgian seaside!"
Don’t say:
"Let’s bring mock Tudor to the rest of Europe’s beachside resorts!"
The Belgian Waffle is a satirical column.
From beach bods to maths gods, De Haan has it all. Credit: Belga / Mistale Taylor
