Le Chou: German Chancellor-Wannabe Fails Due To Fax Mix-Up

Le Chou: German Chancellor-Wannabe Fails Due To Fax Mix-Up

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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*

German politician Friedrich Merz failed to be confirmed as chancellor in a parliamentary vote today as a problem with fax machines and train delays scuppered his support base.

Merz was supposed to be sipping Weissbier and chowing down on celebratory currywurst about now, as his chances this morning suggested he would face no issues in being confirmed as Olaf Scholz’s successor as chancellor.

But die Party will have to wait, as the minimum threshold of 316 votes in the Bundestag was not met. Merz fell an agonising six votes short and will now have to wait for a second round of voting.

Le Chou can exclusively reveal where those six votes went missing.

Three lawmakers who Merz’s political wranglers were counting on were unable to attend the vote in person and instead opted to fax in their ballots. However, a problem with Germany’s antiquated comms system led to those votes being sent to the wrong department.

It was only an hour after the Bundestag session finished that the error was discovered.

Two more votes went begging due to German train operator Deutsche Bahn, whose scheduled high-speed train from Leipzig was delayed by 8 hours and eventually cancelled. DB has apologised for the error and offered to refund 50% of the ticket price.

Merz missed out on another vote because one of his supporters was arrested by Berlin police for crossing a road outside the Bundestag while the pedestrian crossing light was still red. According to eyewitnesses, police were alerted to the politician’s transgression by a elderly bystander who screamed “Aber es is rot!”.

Ahead of the second round of voting, Merz’s party is now urging its supporters to be at the session with at least three hours to spare.

*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*


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