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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
EXCLUSIVE: The European Commission will grant certain “specialised” hybrid vehicles an exemption from an internal combustion engine ban due to come into force in 2035.
Under current EU rules, motorists will not be able to buy a new car powered by petrol or diesel after 2035, as part of the bloc’s efforts to drag the transport sector onto a climate-compliant trajectory.
But faced with stiff competition from Asia and a realisation that they may have left it too late, many European carmakers have thrown their toys out of their prams and demanded extra flexibilities from Brussels.
Ahead of the official publishing of its proposals tomorrow, Le Chou can exclusively reveal a list of perks being considered by the Commission that should keep the mighty German car lobby happy for the foreseeable future.
The main rule change on the table is granting certain classes of cars exemptions from the ban. They include Fred Flintstone’s foot-powered car, Michael Keaton’s flame-propelled Batmobile and the titular evil car from Stephen King’s ‘Christine’.
Doc Brown’s time-travelling DeLorean will also be exempted as flux capacitors will be reclassified as a carbon-neutral fuel source.
All cars owned by German politicians will also be exempted, as will any motorist that promises to plant a couple of trees to offset their tailpipe emissions.
The Commission will also set up a new credits system that will allow car owners to keep running petrol and diesel vehicles if they have enough points.
Under this brand new system, motorists that drive efficiently and safely can build up points to either spend on petrol/diesel kilometres, Porsche merchandise or BMW oil changes.
Extra credits can also be generated by hurling abuse at Tesla drivers and vandalising CyberTrucks. The Commission, which recently went to war with tech mogul Elon Musk, has refused to comment on this particular proposal.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
