Le Chou is Europe's craziest source of news. Tune in weekly for Le Chou's round up of major news stories, all with an intentionally inaccurate twist.
*'Le Chou' is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times
Dutch PM Refuses To Pay For An Official Photographer
Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte refuses to spend a few hundred euros on an official photographer to document his state visits, instead insisting that he do the job himself with a smartphone.
Notorious cheapskate Rutte is adamant that “selfies are just as good and also much cheaper”. The Dutch leader has ignored the pleas of his exasperated communications advisers, saying that “it gets the job done, what’s the big deal?”
Rutte is also still using the battered iPhone 4 that he was given when he first became PM in 2010 and refuses to at least shell out for a selfie stick. “At least he has got long arms,” one fed-up aide reportedly said.
At the end of an official visit to Belgium this week, Rutte took another of his awful snaps with counterpart Alexander De Croo before asking the Belgian PM whether he would have his travel expenses reimbursed by bank transfer or in cash.
Mark Rutte Refuses To Pay For An Official Photographer, ‘Selfies Are Cheaper’ pic.twitter.com/LmNU91ITEh— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 19, 2022
Putin Experiences Buyer’s Remorse With Le Pen
Russian President Vladimir Putin is starting to realise that he is never going to get back the €9 million loan that was granted to the far-right’s Marine Le Pen, after watching her performance in a debate against Emmanuel Macron.
Putin is reportedly furious that his investment in Le Pen’s Front national party is not going to pay off and is seeking legal advice. “I’ve made a complaint with the citizens’ advice bureau, so let’s see what comes of it,” the tyrant told reporters.
Le Pen did little to bolster her chances of defeating Macron during Wednesday’s debate, as the incumbent president deployed a genius tactic of looking bored and surly throughout the event, even taking a nap at just the right moment.
Putin is meanwhile rethinking how he tries to buy useful idiots in Europe. “I think that putting Lukashenko in charge of the finances was in hindsight probably a crap idea,” the president revealed.
‘I’m Never Going To Get That Loan Back Am I...’ Putin Admits To Self After Seeing Marine Le Pen’s Debate With Macron pic.twitter.com/jXwJ3LJvX2— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 20, 2022
Charles Michel Got Stuck In The Toilet For Two Weeks
European Council President Charles Michel was oddly quiet for the last week or so with few social media or in person appearances. Le Chou can exclusively reveal that the former Belgian PM was stuck in his toilet all that time.
Michel first began to panic late one evening when he could not open the door to his loo and he realised that he had not taken his phone into the commode with him. To make matters worse, his wife was away on holiday for a well-earned vacation with friends.
Try as he might, the Council president was unable to push open the door and after several hours of crying began to eat hand soap and drink toilet water just to survive. Neighbours have said that they heard someone shouting “There’s not even a chair in here!”
EU sources have since revealed that there was nothing actually wrong with the door, just that Michel was trying to push it rather than pull it open.
Charles Michel Has Been Stuck In His Bathroom For The Last Two Weeks pic.twitter.com/eW4vFSDDMu— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 19, 2022