Le Chou is Europe’s craziest source of news. Tune in weekly for Le Chou’s round up of major news stories, all with an intentionally inaccurate twist.
*’Le Chou’ is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times
Elon Musk Buys Wordle, Changes Every Answer To ‘Tesla’
The world’s richest man has infuriated millions of people by using his vast fortune to buy the popular word puzzle ‘Wordle’ and immediately changing every answer to ‘Tesla’.
Elon Musk has spent the GDP of a small country on an app that millions of people with nothing better to do use on a daily basis. He has however already enraged that loyal fanbase by changing how the product functions.
“I’m just exercising my right to free speech,” Musk tweeted after news of the change was disclosed by the US Securities and Exchange Commission.
EU regulators wasted no time in warning Musk not to overstep the mark, insisting that “Wordle is now an indispensable part of the European Way of Life and must be respected. We will send a strongly-worded letter if you do not comply.”
Elon Musk Buys Wordle, Changes Every Answer To ‘Tesla’ pic.twitter.com/t0Mt5tHKwn
— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 26, 2022
EU Bans Anything With A ‘Z’ On It
The European Union has decided to ban any products with a ‘Z’ on them, as retaliation against Vladimir Putin, whose Russian forces have adopted the letter as a symbol during their attack on Ukraine.
EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen has banned a number of items, in particular New Balance shoes, while Spanish clothing brand Zara has been given a couple of weeks to change its name.
“This is a uniquely European response and one of which citizens can rightfully be proud,” von der Leyen told reporters, before dodging questions about when the EU will ban Russian oil and gas.
European cinemas will also be told not to show any reruns of Zorro films, while the UK government is salivating over the prospect of American spellings being ditched in favour of their British equivalents.
EU BANS New Balance Shoes For Being Too Similar To Putin’s ‘Z’ Symbol pic.twitter.com/fyMywgq00D
— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 27, 2022
Marine Le Pen Prefers Breeding Cats
French presidential loser candidate Marine Le Pen has decided to return to the competitive and cutthroat world of professional cat breeding, following her defeat at the hands of Emmanuel Macron.
Le Pen, who holds a full qualification in feline rearing, will now devote all of her time to her true passion, after she failed to marshal enough nutcase supporters to her presidential banner at the weekend.
The Front National leader has told confidants that this was in fact her plan all along and that she engineered her loss so that she could get back to her cats, reportedly disclosing: “You really think that I hate renewable energy? That was just so I would lose votes!”
One wag noted that “it’s her dream job, she can spend all day talking about which breed is best.”
Marine Le Pen Returns To Her Life As France’s Most Racist Professional Cat Breeder pic.twitter.com/Z8Q0ZIDGCw
— Le Chou (@LeChouNews) April 25, 2022