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EU Halloween Costumes Go On Sale
EU-themed Halloween costumes went on sale this week in the lead up to the spookiest time of the year. Fright-fans now have the opportunity to buy several exclusive outfits with a Brussels Bubble twist from Le Chou’s online shop.**
Halloween partygoers in the mood to get political this year can choose between a ‘Creepy Charles Michel’, ‘Unsettling Ursula’, ‘Pepe Booo-rrell’ and ‘Giorgia Hell-oni’ this year, as Le Chou launches a brand new range of horrific costumes.
The Charles Michel outfit comes with mask, turtleneck, a chair to steal and Emmanuel Macron’s phone number. Von der Leyen’s includes a smartphone to take all those stock pictures with and a redacted Pfizer vaccine contract.
Emmanuel Macron’s costume includes a slightly more expensive turtleneck, a toy think tank and a political scientist who will follow you everywhere translating whatever you say so normal people can understand.
Be sure to buy the ‘Spooky’ Rishi Sunak while he is still prime minister. He comes with a pre-written resignation note, a bag of his millionaire wife’s cash and a vial full of the tears of the poor. Downing Street cat Larry is sold separately.
Charles Michel Trips Over Cable, Takes Down WhatsApp
European Council chief Charles Michel tripped over an electrical cable at WhatsApp HQ earlier this week, knocking the instant messaging app out of service for nearly an hour, in what is his latest mishap.
Michel was reportedly excited to see what kind of chairs they have at WhatsApp headquarters and did not look where he was going before he tripped over a crucial power cable leading to the main comms servers.
“It was totally unexpected. We didn’t even know who he was before he turned up here,” said a spokesperson for the Facebook-owned firm. Michel has now been branded a “security risk” by other social media platforms.
New Twitter CEO Elon Musk is yet to announce his policy on Charles Michel visits but did reveal perks for Tesla owners now that he has completed his $44 billion takeover of the website.
Existing owners will get a long-coveted edit button and unlimited characters for their tweets. They will also be granted the chance to re-platform one permanently blocked user of their choosing, improving the odds that former US President Donald Trump will be back to pollute the Twittersphere.
To take advantage of this unmissable opportunity be sure to subscribe to The Brussels Times. One randomly-selected subscriber will win a new Tesla!
Cruella De Vil Returns To UK Government
‘101 Dalmatians’ villain Cruella De Vil has made an unexpected return to government, despite a well-documented history of breaching the ministerial code and murdering innocent puppies.
The UK’s prime minister this week, Rishi Sunak, made the announcement as part of a broad reshuffle, which also saw Grima Wormtongue of ‘Lord of the Rings’ fame and that evil whale from ‘Pinocchio’ granted posts in his government.
De Vil’s return to the halls of power is particularly controversial as during her last spell in charge of the interior ministry, she was found to have breached the ministerial code and leaked secure documents.
More pressingly, De Vil also has a history of murdering defenceless puppies and using their hides to make ugly fur coats. A government spokesperson insisted though that “there’s nothing actually illegal about that.”
Larry the Cat, Downing Street’s resident moggie, was conflicted when asked by the press what he thinks about Sunak’s latest appointment.
“On the one hand, I’m not against her policy on dogs, being a cat and all. On the other, she’s an awful excuse for a human being, racist and is basically a fascist,” the mouser said in an exclusive interview with Le Chou.