Le Chou News: Charles Michel Gets Stuck In Lift

Le Chou News: Charles Michel Gets Stuck In Lift

Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak. Follow live updates on Twitter or Mastodon and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.

*'Le Chou' is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times

Charles Michel Was Stuck In An Elevator Over Christmas

European Council President Charles Michel spent the festive holiday break trapped in a broken-down elevator in an EU basement, Le Chou can exclusively reveal.

The former Belgian prime minister spent 10 days locked in the lift after a power cut blocked its passage between the ground floor and the basement car park. Security services were immediately alerted to the fault but decided to ignore it.

“Michel didn’t tip us this year, so we thought we’d go home early instead,” the head of the Council’s logistics division revealed. Rumours that Ursula von der Leyen’s team paid the staff off are as yet unproven.

Michel has refused to comment on the embarrassing incident but sources say that the president was able to survive by rationing a pack of M&Ms he had in his pocket and sucking moisture from the lift’s leaky roof.

The president had pledged that 2023 would be a “mistake-free year” but this early setback may have derailed those hopes before they even left the building.

Croatia’s PM Denies Inflation Crisis, Pays €30 For A Coffee

Croatian Prime Minister Andrej Plenković has denied that his country is gripped by an out-of-control inflation crisis while paying €30 for a cappuccino.

Croatia adopted the euro on 1 January and, like the rest of Europe, is struggling to keep prices in check due to inflation caused largely by Russia’s illegal invasion of Ukraine nearly one year ago.

During a visit by Commission boss Ursula von der Leyen to commemorate the Adriatic nation’s membership of both the eurozone and Schengen travel area, Plenković was seen paying for a coffee with a €20 and €10 note at a Zagreb cafe.

“Firstly, we got sweets too. Secondly, it was €29.50, so I actually got change too. Thirdly, that was a really good cappuccino,” Plenković told reporters, denying that prices have skyrocketed since the euro came into circulation at the beginning of the month.

The switch has not come without teething problems. Some Croatians, particularly the older generation, have never seen euro notes in person before and have fallen victim to unscrupulous tricksters, who have conned people out of their life savings.

Croatia’s government has moved quickly to put a stop to the fraud, banning all sales of Monopoly money and printer cartridges until the situation is under control.

Salt Bae Courts Yet More Controversy With Papal Stunt

Viral social media chef and meat-ruiner ‘Salt Bae’ may finally have gone too far earlier this month, after he was pictured dropping salt on the body of deceased former-pope Benedict XVI.

The Turkish influencer had already ruffled feathers late in 2022 when he was seen on the pitch after Argentina won the football World Cup in Qatar, bothering players and touching the priceless trophy, violating strict FIFA protocols.

Clearly in what was an attempt to outdo that stunt, Salt Bae was seen in Vatican City during the public mourning period for retired-pope Benedict XVI, tossing salt onto the body of the former pontiff while his assistant took pictures for the ‘gram.

Vatican security staff have now launched an inquiry into how Salt Bae was able to get away with his antics. Bae himself refused to comment on whether his latest attempt at going viral was “gross, tasteless and pathetic”.

Undeterred by controversy, the desperate influencer crashed the European Commission’s Sweden trip earlier this week, posing with Ursula von der Leyen and Sweden’s king and prime minister.

Extra! Extra!

Copyright © 2024 The Brussels Times. All Rights Reserved.