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ChatGPT Hosts First EU Press Conference
Chatbot AI programme ChatGPT hosted its first European Commission press conference this week after being hired as a spokesperson by the EU executive branch. Journalists have reported that its replies are actually more coherent and "less devoid of meaning" than those of its human colleagues.
The Brussels press corps was shocked on Monday when the Commission rolled out its new spokesperson, an iPad with ChatGPT installed, mounted on a department store dummy. It has, however, proved to be a very capable addition to the press unit.
“The new spoxbot answered all of my questions quite well. In fact, the replies were more useful than normal,” said one journalist. “I didn’t notice any difference at all. Actually, it was a bit of an improvement,” insisted another reporter.
Other members of the Commission spoxteam are reportedly worried that their particular brand of evasive replying will be made obsolete by ChatGPT’s knack for seamless and instant answering.
Attentive EU nerds were able to spot a chink in the bot’s armour almost immediately though, as GPT mixed up ‘European Council’ and the ‘Council of Europe’ in one of its answers. The spoxbot has also been accused by transparency groups of accepting an all-expenses-paid trip to Dubai.
IT support will now work on its software before it can return to active duty.
Erdogan Demands Nobel Prize, ‘Or Finland And Sweden Can Forget NATO’
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan has demanded that the Finnish and Swedish governments convince Norway to award him the Nobel Peace Prize in return for NATO membership.
Erdogan has reportedly complicated the ongoing NATO membership spat further by insisting that Helsinki and Stockholm “convince your mates in Oslo” to add his name to the long list of Nobel Peace Prize winners.
“We told him that this is not how it works. You need to have done something to promote peace in order to get this award,” government sources told Le Chou. “His team just replied that they would like the prize money in dollars not Swedish krona.”
In response, the organisers of the Ig Noble Prize — an award that celebrates unusual or trivial achievements — offered to shortlist Erdogan for his efforts to “complete tank a currency and crash an economy”.
Hungary’s prime minister, Viktor Orban, has since sniffed an opportunity, demanding that Finland and Sweden’s leaders throw eggs and toilet paper at EU Commission President Ursula von der Leyen’s front door.
“Do that and I promise, for real this time, that we’ll approve your NATO bid,” insisted Orban.
Emmanuel Macron and Mark Rutte Come To Blows Over Dutch Cuisine
French President Emmanuel Macron caused a diplomatic incident this week when he laughed at what was on the menu during a meal with Mark Rutte, congratulating the Dutch PM on his “extremely funny joke”.
It was all going so well in The Hague as Macron and Rutte strolled around the Dutch city, promising each other to uphold the principles of liberal democracy and frugal expenditure. That was until they reached the Dutch PM’s favourite restaurant.
When confronted with the menu, which included frikandel, raw herring covered in onions and pints of Heineken, Macron could not contain his laughter, asking Rutte where the real menu was and praising him for “the funniest thing I’ve read in years”.
Rutte did not take well to Macron’s — entirely justified — amusement, telling France’s head of state that “I agree that ‘the French’ should be an insulting term”, adding “to think that I was ready to split the bill with you.”
Macron was escorted back to his official car by Rutte’s security detail when he replied that “it is a good job that we are in The Hague because this menu should be classed as a crime against humanity”.