Le Chou News: Ukraine Pledges UK Aid

Le Chou News: Ukraine Pledges UK Aid

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Ukraine Pledges UK Aid

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was moved to tears during a surprise visit to the United Kingdom this week, as Britain’s crumbling infrastructure and collapsing health services prompted his government to promise immediate financial aid.

Zelenskyy was visibly affected by the atrocious conditions he saw during his brief visit to the North Sea archipelago and later described his “utter shock” at the state of the roads and non-functioning train network.

“When we were driving from Stansted airport — which is also a nightmarish place — it was like the Russian army had bombed the road ahead of us,” Ukraine’s leader told reporters gathered outside of Downing Street.

The president was also devastated to hear that patients have to wait six hours for an ambulance to show up and even asked UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak if Putin was responsible for the raw sewage that washes up on British beaches every week.

“Ukraine is a friend to the UK and will immediately extend a credit line so that these problems can be solved as soon as possible,” Zelenskyy announced at the end of his trip. “I will also organise an international donors conference to get more urgent funding.”

Orban Assures Putin That Zelenskyy Photo ‘Means Nothing’

Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban instructed his aides to inform Vladimir Putin that a group photo with Volodymyr Zelenskyy was “just a misunderstanding” and “means absolutely nothing”.

Orban was caught off guard on Thursday when a group photo at a European Council summit showed him standing behind Ukraine’s president.

The PM’s team immediately texted Putin to assure Russia’s president that “leftwing agitators” had tricked Orban into the photo op and that oil and gas deliveries should not be interrupted just because of a “small misunderstanding”.

Austria’s chancellor and Bulgaria’s president, also pictured in the photo although not as damningly close to Zelenskyy as Orban, asked the Hungarian leader if he could tell Putin they were sorry as well.

Russia’s embassy in Budapest was quick to reply to Orban, insisting that there was no issue and even inviting the PM to a rooftop tea party at their headquarters to show that there are no hard feelings.

‘EU Spy Balloon’ Spotted Above The Channel

British intelligence reportedly noted a blue spy balloon above the Channel earlier this week, as a new dawn of blimp espionage kicks off thanks to China’s well-publicised activities in the United States.

According to official MI6 documents obtained by Le Chou, British intelligence officers spotted a large blue balloon with yellow stars drifting slowly towards the south coast near Dover early on Tuesday morning.

“Comms station 4 attempted to hail the unidentified craft but received no reply,” the documents stated. Military personnel then attempted to dispatch fighter jets to intercept but the airforce was on strike that day.

Brussels has since denied any knowledge of the balloon, which has now disappeared from radar and its location is currently unknown. Brexit talks have been suspended until the issue is solved.

French President Emmanuel Macron has meanwhile announced a balloon taskforce, which will aim to develop domestic capabilities. “We cannot be reliant on the Americans to shoot down spy balloons for us,” he told national TV on Wednesday evening.

Meanwhile, Russia’s own spy balloon continues to operate with complete impunity in Europe and it even attended a European Council summit on Thursday and Friday.

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