Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak. Follow live updates on Twitter and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
Rishi Sunak Begs Zelenskyy For Help
United Kingdom Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has pleaded with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to help him flee the misery of the British Isles.
During Zelenskyy’s surprise trip to London, in which Ukraine’s head of state pledged a new round of financial aid to the UK, Sunak appeared to have reached his breaking point with British politics.
“Please, Volodymyr, take me back with you. I hate it here. No one likes me, nothing works and everyone is obsessed with pointless culture wars,” the British PM cried while refusing to let go of a departing Zelenskyy.
Ukraine’s president was also able to meet with NATO’s new secretary-general, Larry the Cat, during his UK trip. Larry and Zelenskyy reportedly agreed on next steps to admit Ukraine to the military alliance after the president offered the feline a can of delicious tuna.
Czech EU Commissioner Might Have Covid
Czech European Commissioner Věra Jourová accidentally revealed that she might have contracted the coronavirus after posting a picture of herself posing at Berlin’s Holocaust memorial.
Jourová tweeted a photo taken from within the memorial complex in which she is looking straight at the camera and leaning against one of the many stone columns that make up the haunting monument.
According to medical experts contacted by Le Chou, Jourová is probably infected with Covid-19 because “she has clearly completely lost her sense of taste”. The Commissioner’s team refused to respond to Le Chou’s rampant speculation.
Boyko Borisov Tapped For EU Job
Bulgaria’s on-again, off-again prime minister Boyko Borisov has been approached by the European Commission about a new job in Brussels after the government in Sofia poached a top EU official.
EU commissioner Mariya Gabriel has taken indefinite leave in a bid to help form and then lead a new Bulgarian government, opening up a slot in Ursula von der Leyen’s all-star team.
Former-PM and EPP-enforcer Boyko Borisov has surprisingly been sounded out about essentially switching positions with Gabriel and taking the soon-to-be-vacated Commission job.
According to EU insiders, Borisov will be appointed head of security at the Commission’s Berlaymont headquarters, drawing on his many years of experience as a nightclub bouncer and his mastery of karate.
“I think it’s clear that we’re going to get more pesky ‘Stop Oil’ and pro-democracy agitators in the coming year, so we had to think about increasing security. Boyko will do very well in that role,” said one source. "He even said he would be able to provide his own gun."
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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
