Somewhere between me writing my pervious article and me finishing it, I became stressed with outside factors that I could not control. Those who know me know that once I lose control over situations I become a different person, my mood changes, everything changes and even more so, my attitude changes. My mother and my boyfriend remind me every day “your attitude won’t take you far if you keep operating like that” but my main problem is I get upset simply because I don’t want to have an attitude and I also want to fix my “problems” but it’s hard. I’m in a constant battle of: Being stressed while being “independent” but the stress is only coming from the attitude that I wear from time to time.
I put independent in quotes because just like my father reminded me earlier, “you should not worry about being stressed especially if it is over little things and as much as you want to be, you’re not independent.” Which is true because although I live on my own I cannot support myself. I still need a dependent when filing for FAFSA and I still need a dependent when filing for life. I believe you are not an adult until you are 25, under some circumstances people become an adult even faster. For people like me, we are not adults or even mature yet. Especially if you are in school.
I say this because we are living on our own but how much of our things are our own? When I entered college I was familiar with a lot of “responsibilities” those of which did not really include: paying my own bills, paying for food, cooking that food, and making sure I was healthy; mentally, physically and emotionally. I always depended on my Mom and sometimes my Dad. Every time I needed a checkup, my mom set up the appointment. Every time I needed food, my parents would buy it. My mom would cook it (side note, my mom is the best cook to walk this earth) Bills needed to payed, my parents made that happen and Etc. So being on my own was sort of new. I have friends who are completely on their own, and they fend for themselves and I kind of envy them but hey my time will come.
Post being “on my own” I had to prioritize my wants and needs and get rid of unnecessary baggage. After prioritizing the figurative sense of that statement I started to tackle the metaphorical sense of it. My wants I compiled them into goals and things I want to happen. The needs I characterized in the things I need to survive for my life to be “manageable” and my baggage, was my emotions. I would like to say I have everything mapped out and how I want it to be except my attitude. Which falls under, my (you guessed it) emotions.
Let me give you a background on how I get. When things don’t go my way I get mad. Not because they don’t go my way but the fact that I could not control it, for it to go my way. Thus resulting in my (you guessed it again) attitude. I’ve struggled with my attitude for quite some time now, my boyfriend deems me as a brat and a princess. It was funny at first then I noticed both him and I started to think I was repetitive and downright annoying. Then I thought more in depth into it and maybe it’s not people but it’s me. Who am I kidding, I know it’s me. I’m an emotional person, which has led to a few of my downfall in my life.
I reached and epiphany earlier today when listening to my dad scold me for being too unfocused (which I agree with him to an extent). I then realized I have the right to be emotional and catch an attitude here and there but making it become a huge factor in my life has to stop. Especially if I want to be independent. With independence comes maturity. With maturity you decided which battles you want to fight and which you have to let go because there is no point in dealing with them. In simple terms I have to grow up. I think my problem is I’m so engulfed in my “first world problems” I lose sight of problems others have. I’m a bit selfish sometimes, although it’s good to be but I need to realize the world doesn’t revolve around me.
I noticed that I’m stressed but I have people around me, who love me to keep me at ease. Although there are people who don’t have that outlook I lost sight that I wanted to be that outlook for those people. I need appreciate what I have and stop worrying about what I don’t have. The things I want, I need to get them and not make excuses. I need to stop blaming people for things that are out of my reach and focus on the right now, one day at a time. Ever since I was young my mother told me I always wanted to start something even if I didn’t finish the last thing I was working on. I want to end that today. My problem in my life is my attitude and getting ahead of myself when I have no control over the outcome.
Find your problem if you don’t already know it, work on fixing it and better yourself. I know I haven’t written a post in damn near three months but make it a resolution (26 days late) to focus on life day by day. It’s okay to have day dreams and life goals but focus on what you can accomplish in your reach. If there’s people who love you and support you, cherish them (especially the ones who you got into a fight with before they left and you apologize now because you realize you were wrong) surround yourself with great people. Never lose track of yourself and always be the best you can be. I might not be independent or mature yet, but I think this post is one more step to being closer to those titles.