Belgium is best known for its chocolate, its frites, its waffles, and, of course, its beer. But perhaps it's time to add humour to the list too, as we reveal the country's comic side with these 14 quick quips.
Whilst the national sense of humour is often outshone by champion cyclists or snooker hotshots, Belgians like a bit of ribbing as much as anyone else – especially when it comes at the expense of a neighbour over the regional divide. But not only open to poking at domestic divisions, the nation laughs in unison when the butt of the joke is French, Dutch, or German.
If you've ever wondered how Belgians make light of stereotypes, here's a run-down of our favourite gags.
Belgium beyond borders
1. This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I’m planning to make a Dutch person uncomfortable.
2. Why do the Dutch enjoy Belgian jokes so much? They're cheap.
3. How does a Frenchman commit suicide? By shooting several centimetres above his head, right in the middle of his superiority complex.
4. Why do they say "I'm going to the toilet" ("je vais à la toilette") in Belgium, but "I'm going to the toilets" ("je vais aux toilettes") in France? Because in France you have to visit several toilets before you can find a clean one.
5. How many hearts can the Belgian football team break at once? About a Brazilian.* (Don't get this joke? Click here.)
Local humour
6. Sour beer has been found to improve the health of northern Belgians. This definitively proves that what's good for the Gueuze is good for the Flanders.
7. Someone has just beaten me with a map of Belgium. Now I'm all covered in brugeses.
8. What's the difference between a French kiss and a Belgian kiss? A Belgian kiss is more Flemish.
9. Did you hear that the director of "Pulp Fiction" is making a movie based on a Belgian comic book, where the main character becomes extremely ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world? It's Quentin Tarantino's "Tintin's Quarantino".
War jokes
10. Germany and France go to war. Who loses? Belgium.
11. Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years? Because that's when they will understand the Belgian jokes the Dutch make about them. Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years? They won't be able to find the Netherlands.
12. For Germans, Belgium is like school. It's something you have to go through.
Lost in translation
13. "Savez vous pourquoi il n’y a pas d’éclairage sur les autoroutes françaises? Parce qu’ils se prennent pour des lumières!
Literal translation: Do you know why there is no lighting on French highways? Because the French think that they are the lights!
Explanation: The joke plays on the ambiguity of the word lumières, which in French can refer to ordinary lights, as well as French Enlightenment philosophers.
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14. Que demande un footballeur Belge à son coiffeur? La coupe du monde!
Literal translation: What did the Belgian ask his barber for? The World Cup.
Explanation: In French, the words for "cup" and "cut" are the same, namely coupe. Moreover, despite coming close on at least two distinct occasions, the Red Devils have never actually won football's most prestigious international competition. (And, judging by their performance at last year's tournament, it's unlikely they'll come close again anytime soon.)
